id be glad to
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
