Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
