I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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