Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
