I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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