We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
