Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize