were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
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