There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
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