He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
