That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
