just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
