she woke up with a sticky ear
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
