i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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