Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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