so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
