You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Randomize
