I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
