she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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