She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
