you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
