Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
