They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
