Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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