New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
