You made me cry and you don't even care
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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