I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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