I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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