I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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