she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
