Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
