first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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