The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I could fuck to npr.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
