Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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