Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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