how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
