It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
