The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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