is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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