if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
id be glad to
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
