She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
