how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
i think i have herpe
just one?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
