I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
