We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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