So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
