I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
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