It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
