Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
