I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
