the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
