Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
