He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
