if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
