Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Randomize
