Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
barbara walters just said penis...
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
