So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
