Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
